Skip navigation
Don't Bring It to Work
Book

Don't Bring It to Work

Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success

Jossey-Bass, 2009 more...

Buy the book


Editorial Rating

7

getAbstract Rating

  • Applicable

Recommendation

It’s your first day on your new job, and you’re meeting your new colleagues. You shake hands, make eye contact and offer a pleasant smile. But for some reason, you instinctively don’t like one or two people; they make you uncomfortable. How is it possible to judge people whose names you don’t even know? Therapist and relationship expert Sylvia Lafair believes that the seeds of workplace conflict are rooted in your family background. She posits that the behaviors modeled in your childhood and your relationship with your family members create subliminal expectations that you subconsciously project onto others, including strangers. Lafair suggests that understanding your upbringing is the linchpin to avoiding and resolving workplace conflict. The author offers profound, detailed insight into the psychological dynamics that govern interpersonal relationships. Recognizing your family patterns is just the first step, though; the real work lies in your willingness to change your behavior. Though Lafair’s approach may not resonate with everyone, getAbstract recommends her book to managers and employees who wish to avoid perpetuating destructive cycles of workplace conflict.

Summary

A Common Affliction

There’s no doubt that conflict in the workplace is a major issue. Studies show that executives devote a significant portion of their work week to dealing with personality conflicts among staffers. At the same time, workers are spending more money treating stress-related health issues linked to dysfunctional work environments. The American Management Association found that employees spend one-quarter of their time, about two hours a day, engaged in petty disagreements with co-workers.

Difficult economic conditions, technology that depersonalizes communication and the influx of a new generation of workers with different attitudes all contribute to increased negativity and hostility in the workplace. But ultimately, job conflicts trace back to the behavioral patterns and psychological influences that people experience in their upbringing. Even in relatively healthy families, members take on certain “invisible roles,” such as the “good girl,” the “smart one” or the “lazy one.” People attain a certain level of comfort with their familial roles and carry those patterns – particularly the destructive ones – into the workplace. For example, former Tyco...

About the Author

Sylvia Lafair, a former family therapist, is president of Creative Energy Options, Inc., a consulting firm that addresses conflict resolution and leadership issues.


Comment on this summary

More on this topic

Related Skills

Be Creative
Become More Adaptable
Build Confidence
Career
Communicate Effectively
Enhance Employee Experience
Executive Leadership
Foster a Culture of Innovation
Foster Team Culture
Human Resources
Innovation
Make Good Decisions
Manage Performance
Management
Master Collaboration
Shape Organizational Culture
Understand Organizations
Workplace Skills
Set Boundaries
Understand Communication
Build Psychological Safety
Foster Open Communication
Manage People and Talent
Learn from Experience
Understand Organizational Behavior
Solve Problems
Manage Stress
Handle Grievances
Soft Skills
Excel at Conversations
Become a Mentee
Embrace Intelligent Failure
Practice Humility
Adopt a Learning Habit
Find Your Purpose
Show Empathy and Compassion
Become a Self-Driven Learner
Set and Achieve Goals
Understand Yourself
Cultivate Positivity
Engage in Job Crafting
Cultivate Curiosity
Succeed in a New Job
Mitigate Cognitive Biases
Understand Human Behavior
Leadership
Navigate Leadership Challenges
Overcome Self-Doubt
Get Physically Fit
Advance Your Career
Avoid Procrastination
Build and Maintain Well-Being
Develop Your Thinking Skills
Challenge Assumptions
Navigate Difficult Conversations
Live Well
Be Emotionally Intelligent
Manage Your Time
Live Intentionally
Master Interpersonal Skills
Build Your Presence
Improve Your Mental Health
Navigate Office Politics
Manage Your Leadership Impact
Motivate Yourself
Dare to be Vulnerable
Maintain Work-Life Balance
Manage Your Emotions
Be Authentic
Manage Employee Relations
Embrace Challenges
Become More Productive
Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Develop Grit
Develop Self-Mastery
Personal Growth
Find Meaning
Resolve Conflicts
Develop Self-Awareness
Build Useful Habits
Cultivate Self-Discipline
Overcome Challenges
Lead Yourself
Build Your Resilience
Deal with Difficult People