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How to make someone feel seen and heard

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How to make someone feel seen and heard

Validation skills are not only useful for therapists. Learn them and you’ll improve your personal and work relationships

Psyche,

5 min read
5 take-aways
Audio & text

What's inside?

Making others feel seen, heard, and understood is a “superpower.”

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Editorial Rating

9

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  • Engaging
  • Inspiring

Recommendation

Imagine disclosing your deepest, darkest secret to a confidante who, instead of judging you, embraces you and your truth. The dread that you carried around for so long evaporates, replaced by acceptance and belonging. The warm feeling that courses through you is called “validation” — you feel seen and heard. Psychologist Caroline Fleck gives a masterclass on how to validate others, the innumerable benefits of which include improving your relationships, assuaging conflict, and raising your influence.

Summary

Validation is the power to make others feel seen, heard, and understood.

When you validate another person, you exhibit empathy and understanding. Happily, anyone can learn to unleash this “superpower.” Studies show that validating others can enhance your relationships, build psychological safety and trust, mitigate conflict, heighten your sway, and raise your self-compassion.

Yet validation is often misconstrued. It does not equate to praising or agreeing with someone, nor is it akin to solving another person’s problems. It is the acceptance of other people, subject to the validity of their experiences — that is, their thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. Their thoughts are valid if they are rational responses to a given situation. Their behaviors are valid if they bring them closer to their life goals. Their emotions are always valid.

To channel the power of validation, climb the “validation ladder,” which boasts three sets of increasingly challenging skills: “mindfulness, understanding, and empathy.”

Practice offering validation by being mindful of others.

Mindfulness means listening impartially and with an open mind. Two simple...

About the Author

Psychologist Caroline Fleck is an adjunct clinical instructor at Stanford University and the author of Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life.

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