Summary of Stop Spoiling That Man

Looking for the book?
We have the summary! Get the key insights in just 10 minutes.

Stop Spoiling That Man book summary
Start getting smarter:
or see our plans




  • Applicable
  • For Beginners


Every fulfilling and satisfying relationship requires a bit of give and take. However, if you are responsible for all of the giving and he is enjoying all of the taking, you’re guilty of spoiling your man. Spoiling is not the same as nurturing or loving. Instead, it places his needs above your needs. The spoiled man is happy to let you make all of the decisions, do all of the work and bear the responsibility for maintaining all aspects of your relationship. This unhealthy imbalance will eventually leave you feeling unsettled, unsatisfied and unloved. If your mate has taken up permanent residence on the couch in front of the TV with a snack and a beer (that you gave him), getAbstract suggests that it’s time you read this book. Here, you’ll learn how to recognize the ways in which he manipulates and controls you. You’ll also find strategies to launch an “unspoiling” campaign. Although some of the maneuvers recommended by husband and wife authors John B. Arden and Victoria Arden seem a bit devious, they might just be what your spouse needs to be a mature man, not a pouting prince.

About the Author

John B. Arden, Ph.D., is an author, counselor, teacher and director of mental-health training in Northern California. He has more than two decades of experience in counseling couples. Victoria Arden, M.A. is an art educator, mother and mental-health professional.



It Takes Two to Spoil

What is a spoiled man? A spoiled man is the man who demands more than your fair share of attention and participation without giving the same in return. He uses a variety of tactics to control and manipulate you. However, your role as the spoiler is not entirely his fault. For one or more reasons, you are vulnerable to this kind of manipulation. Perhaps your mother spoiled your father. You might have been subjected to abuse of some kind. Alternatively, maybe you feel that even an unequal relationship is better than no relationship.

To stop spoiling your man, prioritize taking care of yourself. If you are willing to make your needs subservient to the needs of your man, he’ll exploit your selflessness. Of course, there are times in every relationship when one partner is needier than the other is. At these times, it is appropriate to give without expecting anything in return. Yet, a healthy, balanced relationship requires the mutual give and take of love and attention.


A healthy relationship consists of:

  • “Compassion” – This, comprised of “empathy, generosity, patience, warmth and passion,” can be...

More on this topic

Customers who read this summary also read

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Modern Manhood
We Fed an Island
All In
This Is the Year I Put My Financial Life in Order
Inventing the Individual

Related Channels

Comment on this summary