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How to Untie a Balloon
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How to Untie a Balloon

A Negotiator’s Guide to Avoid Popping Under Pressure

Ryan M. Dunlap
Mango Publishing, 2025
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People often default to reactive, maladaptive responses when under pressure, says conflict management coach and former SWAT hostage negotiator Ryan Dunlap. While transforming your go-to response to stress can feel like trying to untie a balloon without popping it, Dunlap advises that doing so is both possible and essential. Learn how to prevent the emotional outbursts and impulsive behaviors that can damage your professional relationships and hinder your career, and develop the self-awareness and perspective required to lead others well.

Summary

Leaders who fail to manage stress place undue pressure on their colleagues and loved ones.

Pressure brings out the worst in most individuals. Yet people tend to overestimate their ability to handle stress and, therefore, walk straight into overwhelming situations without recognizing the potential danger. The ancient Greek poet Archilochus once said, “We don’t rise to the level of our expectations; we fall to the level of our training.” You must train yourself to manage pressure or risk emotional outbursts that quickly erode trust. Leaders frequently try to project a particular persona to manage the impressions others have of them, but if you don’t calm your inner turmoil, that mask will slip under pressure, harming your career.

When pressure mounts, several warning signs can inform you that your ability to cope is declining and you’re reaching a breaking point: You might, for example, procrastinate or allow problems to fester, refuse to seek help, become less reasonable, lash out at others, compromise your values, become physically or emotionally unwell, act impulsively, struggle to sleep or eat, feel resentment, or simply feel stuck. If the stress continues, it could...

About the Author

Conflict-management coach Ryan Dunlap is the founder and chief conflict officer at Conflictish. He’s also a former hostage negotiator, crisis intervention officer, Special Victims Unit officer, and pastor.

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