The Let Them Theory

Do you live in a state of chronic stress because you’re exerting too much time and energy trying to control what you can’t control? If you feel compelled to please everyone in your life — or to try to change people so that they meet your expectations — you’re probably micromanaging others in a misguided attempt to feel safe. For thousands of years, people have sought freedom from this innate compulsion in ancient Buddhist perspectives or Stoic philosophy, or more recently in practices like radical acceptance. Alas, the quest for serenity seems never-ending.

Now, Mel Robbins — the popular author, podcast host, and speaker who originated the “5-Second Rule” for getting things done — offers a contemporary take. She calls it the “Let Them” theory: If you can accept reality as it is — in particular, the reality of other people’s behavior, desires, and attitudes — you’ll experience less stress, have more energy, and free yourself to focus on you.