The Likeability Trap

Likeability is a widespread cultural measure of a woman’s value, but it’s also a quality people perceive as diminishing her ability to lead.

Warmth, the primary attribute of likeability in women, reads as weakness in the male-dominated business world. Yet, the more a woman demonstrates strength, the more that world perceives her as unlikeable.

Authenticity is essential to likeability and effective leadership, but these demands compete, and juggling them puts women in a bind – making them feel that if they come as they are, they will be either inadequate or too much. The requirement to present yourself authenticity is even more challenging for those whose identities don’t align with the majority culture.

The more a woman succeeds in her field, the less likeable she becomes. Asking for promotions, negotiating or claiming the achievements she has earned – all make other people like a woman less. The more successful she becomes, the higher she rises, the more others think negatively about her. They assume she is cold, her motives are dubious and her methods are underhanded.

Caring less what other people think of you ...