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Human First, Leader Second
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Human First, Leader Second

How Self-Compassion Outperforms Self-Criticism

Massimo Backus
Berrett-Koehler, 2024
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Editorial Rating

9

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  • Inspiring

Recommendation

Executive coach Massimo Backus shows leaders why they must develop compassion for themselves as they strive to become better at guiding others. He explains that self-compassion is the key to treating those you lead with compassion, as well. He cautions contemporary leaders against practicing the type of cold arrogance that distances them from other people and urges them to honor their basic humanity instead. Backus is fully empathetic, though he does refer to some of his positive case histories as “woo-woo wins.” That’s a misnomer; there’s nothing “woo woo” about a kindness breakthrough, as seen in his clear guidance for adopting self-compassionate leadership based on “awareness, acceptance, and accountability.”

Summary

Leaders should develop self-compassion, and so should everyone else.

In 2004, established ABC news anchorman Don Harris suffered an on-air panic attack. At the time, people considered Harris both a gifted TV professional and a cold-hearted diva. To determine what had gone wrong, he agreed to a 360° assessment in which his friends, relatives, professional associates, direct reports, and other contacts would offer solicited, objective feedback.

Their feedback was uniformly critical. It was so negative that his wife had to stop reading it to flee to the bathroom for a good cry. Many of the negative comments concerned Harris’s self-centeredness and anger. Greatly dismayed by people’s overwhelmingly negative opinions, Harris agreed to undergo “psychotherapy, communications coaching, bias training, and couples counseling.” He continued his personal meditation practice. When none of the support he sought made a meaningful difference, he engaged in a nine-day “loving-kindness meditation” retreat.

In time, Harris was done with retreats, meditation, and counseling. He’d learned to embrace his inner anger just enough to curse the entire self-help process. In terms ...

About the Author

Massimo Backus is an executive coach, leadership-development expert, and documentary filmmaker.

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